Michaela, never forgotten

This is a difficult morning. It started out with a dream in which I was supposed to be giving some public address. I was in a strange place, and for some reason I couldn't shower, or wash my hair, and I had no blow dryer or straightener, so I had this huge bedhead which people... Continue Reading →

Fear of dying

One day recently I laid down on my bed and took a nap in the middle of the afternoon. I woke up facing the window, enjoying the exact view in the photo above. One of the things I love about the older houses here in Iowa is the lower windows. They sit right at bed... Continue Reading →

Missing Michaela

This morning, before I was really awake, at the trailing end of a dream, the thought came to me that I should finish writing my book, Missing Michaela. Now I did finish this manuscript once, 25 years ago. But I look back on the world and myself then, and, well, it's like looking back on... Continue Reading →

PET scan results

10:00 a.m. This morning I woke up, and I had to check in with myself. Today is the day I will receive the results of my PET scan. I have already received the biopsy results, so I know I have metastatic carcinoma, but the PET scan will tell me if I have a little bit... Continue Reading →

Waiting games

I sit reading, and while I read, my fingers run across my neck, then down across my collarbone. This is a subconscious habit of mine, it seems, and a fortunate one. A few days ago, though, as I was doing this it suddenly struck me, I am caressing my cancer! I was really kind of... Continue Reading →

Visions in scary places

I actually consider myself to be a painfully left brained person. I write, I draw, I paint, but I do it very realistically. I have not been able to break free of drawing from a photo or real life, and most of the writing I have done in my life has been logical, persuasive writing.... Continue Reading →

Happy Mother’s Day

Happy Mother's Day to everyone out there who has been brave enough to take on this most important, most joyful, most heartbreaking job in the world. We actually celebrated yesterday, because that was the day when all of us were able to be together. The photo above is actually of the flowers my grandson gave... Continue Reading →

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