What do a missing child and metastatic cancer have in common? Unanswered questions. The unknown. I am a person who likes to have information, and to have it now. I want to know what is happening, when, where, and why. Just ask my kids. They are all adults now -- the youngest will be 27... Continue Reading →
Mumbly grumbly and plans going forward
I am still grumbly over the loss of my entire blog yesterday. Honestly, WordPress, it should not be possible to just write something in a box on my cell phone and have it replace an entire blog. If you are modifying an already published blog, you really should have to take some specific action to... Continue Reading →
Oncologist tomorrow
I have an appointment with my oncologist tomorrow, and I would really like to ask if you would all please pray for wisdom for my doctor. I have a very difficult cancer. Lobular breast cancer does not show up well on scans. What I have showed up in a bump in a conspicuous place I... Continue Reading →
Missing Michaela
This morning, before I was really awake, at the trailing end of a dream, the thought came to me that I should finish writing my book, Missing Michaela. Now I did finish this manuscript once, 25 years ago. But I look back on the world and myself then, and, well, it's like looking back on... Continue Reading →
When you are diagnosed with cancer
I remember thinking, decades ago, that if I ever got cancer, I wouldn't want to know. At the time, I considered it a death sentence, and I did not think I had it in me to have to spend an extended amount of time knowing I was going to die. I imagined shaking in the... Continue Reading →
Visions in scary places
I actually consider myself to be a painfully left brained person. I write, I draw, I paint, but I do it very realistically. I have not been able to break free of drawing from a photo or real life, and most of the writing I have done in my life has been logical, persuasive writing.... Continue Reading →
What I Am NOT Looking For
Spring has sprung here in Iowa. They say it's nice to live in a place with four seasons, and here you can have all four of them in a couple of weeks. We actually had an early spring, and beautiful little flowers started growing in our yard. They were like hope. But then the snow... Continue Reading →
Eve
Since you asked (really, you did!), I am still alive. And things are looking up a little bit. Winter was long and hard. It was cold and wet, it was filled with sickness and injuries in my household. I had a major identity crisis, which has alllllmost been resolved. You probably will not believe this,... Continue Reading →
Do not be afraid
I had my regular check-up with my oncologist yesterday. I have these every three months, and they basically consist of blood tests, a chat and a physical exam, checking lymph nodes, etc. It is now a year and a half since I finished treatment, and at every checkup I get a reassuring, "everything looks good,"... Continue Reading →
Self love does not equal selfish love
My exercise this week for my Cosmic Smash Book gave me some pause. The subject was self love, a sticky subject for me. I started out life as an only child -- the only child, in fact, in my generation. Of course, my parents weren't perfect, but I was poured into and over and I... Continue Reading →