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Michaela

Before anything else, I want to tell you all that I love you, and I am so very grateful for the love and support you have poured out to my daughter for all these very, very many long, long years. I want to tell you how much I appreciate your encouragement to hold on, to... Continue Reading →

Oncologist tomorrow

I have an appointment with my oncologist tomorrow, and I would really like to ask if you would all please pray for wisdom for my doctor. I have a very difficult cancer. Lobular breast cancer does not show up well on scans. What I have showed up in a bump in a conspicuous place I... Continue Reading →

So hard to write…

I have been having a really difficult time coming here to write. I am feeling very censored. I have had people spend years telling me what not to say and to whom, and that has an impact even if I recognize they don't have that right. My experiences on Facebook in recent times have impacted... Continue Reading →

Goodbye Facebook!

Sometime today or tomorrow, I will deactivate my personal facebook page. I have tried to tame this monster, really I have. First I trimmed the number of friends I had from 1500 to 500. Back in the early days, I used to just accept friend requests from strangers, because I assumed they were sending them... Continue Reading →

I dreamed I was dying

Last night I had a dream that I was dying. It was a procedure that took several days. Each day I had to take a different set of pills, and then I had to complete a task, and on the fourth day it would be complete, and I would leave this life. One day I... Continue Reading →

Missing Michaela

This morning, before I was really awake, at the trailing end of a dream, the thought came to me that I should finish writing my book, Missing Michaela. Now I did finish this manuscript once, 25 years ago. But I look back on the world and myself then, and, well, it's like looking back on... Continue Reading →

PET scan results

10:00 a.m. This morning I woke up, and I had to check in with myself. Today is the day I will receive the results of my PET scan. I have already received the biopsy results, so I know I have metastatic carcinoma, but the PET scan will tell me if I have a little bit... Continue Reading →

Waiting games

I sit reading, and while I read, my fingers run across my neck, then down across my collarbone. This is a subconscious habit of mine, it seems, and a fortunate one. A few days ago, though, as I was doing this it suddenly struck me, I am caressing my cancer! I was really kind of... Continue Reading →

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