So hard to write…

I have been having a really difficult time coming here to write. I am feeling very censored. I have had people spend years telling me what not to say and to whom, and that has an impact even if I recognize they don’t have that right. My experiences on Facebook in recent times have impacted me as well. Partially this is because I recognize my own complicity in this, even if it is just my manner of writing, the way I express myself. I am really working on this one. And partially, I keep thinking, oh no, they will find this boring, or they won’t like this. And maybe you won’t!

I know you all want to hear about Michaela, and I am going to write a blog about her soon, although it probably won’t be what you want it to be. But when I write about myself, I often think, who am I to be writing about myself on the internet, my thoughts, my feelings, what is going on in my life?

So how about it? As I crawl out of my hiding place, do you want to hear about things? There are things I will continue to post about in my adventures through life, but how about other things? Like, I read the Bible regularly, and I follow a method of journaling about the things I read, which often reveals amazing things to me! But would you find them amazing? Do you even want to hear? And on the other hand, does it matter if you want to hear? Maybe one person needs to hear, so maybe it doesn’t matter if all the rest of you hate it.

And politics. You have to understand, politics isn’t about Politics to me. My heart breaks wide open to embrace all those who are in need, who are marginalized, who are hurt, for whom there is no justice. I oppose anything that is in opposition to justice for those people. I oppose anything that is in opposition to giving help to those who need it. We are a family and we are supposed to love and care for each other, not hurt each other.

Then there is the intermingling of the two. I recently read Amos. I am currently reading Isaiah. These are a balm for me, because while I am dismayed and set adrift by those who claim to be Godly but who are bent on denying justice to those in need, reading these books reminds me that those people are not representing the heart of God, and it is the heart of God we are to seek and follow.

Yep, getting into it already. And then, should we talk about the existence of God in general? I don’t claim to know all about God, but there has been too much synchronicity in my life for me to not believe. There has been too elaborate a plan that has unwound in my life without my intervention. And while I have struggled and still do struggle with Christianity, it has pulled at my heart ever since my non-religious childhood.

You don’t have to answer this. Honestly, if you don’t want me to talk about things, you don’t need to tell me at all, because I have heard enough of that to last my lifetime. On the other hand, if anyone would care to give me permission to speak, I actually kind of need that. And these are the things that occupy my mind at this time. These are the things I want to learn to engage in discussion about, anchored in kindness and love.

Thank you. I will be back in a couple of days to talk about something or another. In the end, I suppose it’s just a matter of having the courage to be me, regardless of the consequences.

I love you for being here.

Sharon

32 thoughts on “So hard to write…

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  1. Permission granted to be yourself and share yourself with me. Everything you write stimulates my thought process and often what you write makes more of an impact on me than you might ever know. I feel kind of silly saying “permission granted”, however, I want to honor whatever it is that you need to keep you writing, because, you make a difference in my life. I love you right back!! Jackie

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  2. Hi sharon, been meaning to answer you back, I always look forward to hearing from you. I think of you and Micheala everyday, especially when we walk by the ribbon tree, I say a prayer for you both. Take care ❤

    Liked by 1 person

  3. ❤️ Please continue to write about whatever it is you need to. There are a lot of people who want to listen. Your words have a huge impact on me as well! ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I think you hit on something. There are things I need to write. Maybe it’s just for me. Maybe it’s just for one other person. None of you would be here if it weren’t for Michaela. I remember the conversation I had where I saw myself talking to Michaela in eternity somewhere, and how insignificant what happened to us in this life was from that perspective, at least in part because of the people who had been touched by it. And it doesn’t even have to be a lot of people, because each individual is important. Thanks! I need to keep this perspective. It’s not all about me, including my popularity or lack of it! Thanks!

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  4. Your writing is no crime Sharon. If someone doesn’t like what you write or doesn’t care they simply should not read it as easy as changing the TV channel. You truly write very beautifully ❤ and I want to thank you 😊 for sharing your experiences ❤ with the ones who love your blog. Looking forward to reading more of your blog.

    Sincerely
    Zahra

    Liked by 1 person

  5. 1st of all prayers for you for everything you have been through. Most of all… do not worry about others. Writing is a way to help you get through life.. good and bad.. happy and sad.. write what moves you … no one should say what you should write.. I have followed you since my heart went out to you all those years ago. Recently I found out I worked with your daughter … she told me about “treasure” beach as I LOVE sea glass. She said her Mom had told her where it was. By chance I saw a post you made about your new house and grandsons room .. your daughter had decorated it… I put 2 and 2 together and realized who you were. Keep writing what is in your heart. We will follow …

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  6. Please be yourself, and write, write, write! As others have said, those who oppose can just leave, like turning the TV off or changing channels. It isn’t you, it is them.

    We love and support you!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Please do write Sharon. I am such an introvert by nature and yet still such a curious seeker. Your writing fills in so many needs and lets us journey, with you and beyond. You’re a natural writer and I’m always in gratitude with what you share. And I’m actually even more excited, if here you feel that you can do it with less ‘censorship’—that just means the journeying will get even more interesting.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. Hi Sharon I have been a reader of your words for many years and I continue to hope and pray for answers about Michaela. I would love to hear about how you journal and read the Bible. Remember that saying you can please all of the people some of the time and some of the people all of the time but not all of the people all of the time. This is so true, please keep writing xxx

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