Thirty years later

Oh my Lord, this has been such a hard season. The anniversary has come and gone now. Thirty whole years. The remembrance service was beautiful and there were so many wonderful people there. Dear, dear friends, most of them gifts from Michaela, who I don’t see nearly often enough. There were two people there who had been kidnapping victims themselves. One of them told me that when she was being held in the back of the kidnapper’s van she had never felt so alone, and it was Michaela she called on, and Michaela was there, and comforted her. She called Michaela her angel. The other was Midsi Sanchez, the brave young girl who escaped her kidnapper, who had already killed at least one other child, and who now has a foundation dedicated to child safety.

The entirety of the remembrance was live streamed on Facebook, and I am really amazed to report that 3,000 people viewed it live or close to it, and now we are up to 5,400 views. If you missed it, you can catch it at by clicking here. And yes, the picture does straighten out after the first few minutes. We started it a little while before the service actually began. A number of people had just said that they wanted to feel like they were there, so we wanted to do that by including them in the pre-service as well.

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Then the next morning we went and tied ribbons on the tree at the market. I said goodbye to my daughter and her husband, who had come from out of state for the event, and Trina, and all the other people who had come, and I went off to collapse into my life.

It has not been an easy, restful collapse though. At the remembrance I think I could feel every muscle in my body tensed. Apparently that tension was what was holding me together, because as I started letting it go, I started falling apart. I just can’t even explain it, except to say that I am sitting in my bed with my dogs crying, because being around people has been too hard. I have gone off on a few people already. Stuff that normally rolls off has been sticking in my heart like a bunch of little knives. Someone with an internet sleuthing group on Facebook published a completely inaccurate post about Michaela, and refused to correct it or take it down, or even to allow me to comment on it. So I went to Facebook and they took it down, but in the meantime it had me really upset. In fact it still does. Right about then someone posted on Facebook wanting to know why Michaela wasn’t found that first day, since we had an eyewitness. And at least part of the reason for that is that someone who was NOT an eyewitness and who did NOT possess all the facts decided to talk for Trina and gave the wrong description. If you don’t know, don’t say anything. Misinformation and overeager people may have cost Michaela her life to begin with, and it continues to infuriate me. I really hate internet sleuthing groups talking about Michaela’s case anyway. All any of them know is what has been in the news, and the real leads in the case, and the real information in the case, has NEVER been made public, so all they have to work with is misinformation. I have worked my butt off over the years with blogs and social media so it is not necessary for anybody to have incorrect information. But it still happens. You can actually speak in excruciating detail to a reporter, and they will get the facts wrong, or add assumptions.

I really do not know what is wrong with me, or more to the point, I don’t know what to do about it. All I know is I hurt, and I do not know how to stop hurting.

And maybe I’m not a very nice person. I really admire those people who are always calm and collected and loving. And I try. But you know, maybe that’s not who I am. I truly can be “the storm.”

So I’m just going to sit here and cry for a day or two. Eventually I will get swallowed up in life again, but for right now I just need a safe place, and my bed is the only thing that qualifies.

Thank you so much for your support. I really appreciate it. Cherish your life. Above all, cherish your children. They have been entrusted to you to love, to teach, to protect and keep safe. There is nothing more important in life than that. Nothing.

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5 thoughts on “Thirty years later

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  1. Sharon, it is ok to collapse for a few days. In fact, it is necessary. You are such a warrior, strong and true. Taking a break is ok. There is so much within you, pulling so many directions. Give it time to slow down, to rest. Thank you for all you do, for all you are and for all you share with those listening.

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  2. Dear, Sharon

    Thank you so much for allowing me to be a part of the remembrance I watched the whole thing live on my husband’s Facebook page. I also saw her case on the news so hopefully this publicity will bring some information that is useful in cracking this 30 year old mystery.It is perfectly ok for you to take some time to rest and take a break. Michaela where ever you are if you read this blog or was able to watch the news about your kidnapping know that not only your mother and family care and are still searching for but complete strangers who have never met you or your mother are waiting for your safe return. Michaela know that once you take the first step and contact your lovely mother your life will completely change for the best. Make this holiday season a very special one for your mother give her the best gift she can ever ask for her first born child back call her Michaela and let her hold you and protect you know you have lots of supporters no one can harm you come forward Michaela. You can do it Michaela you are sharon’s daughter and you are as brave as your mother end her suffering and end your own suffering. Lots of love and prayers to Sharon and sweet Michaela.

    Sincerely,
    Zahra

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  3. Sharon, you do not need to apologize for any of your feelings. My heart still breaks for you. I remember when this happened 30 years ago. When my son was 5 years old my babysitter had him walking home alone from American Academy school on Mission Blvd to her house on Fairview. I did not feel right about it. I can not even imagine the horrible times you have endured. This still makes me cry. There is no time limit on your sorrow on this side of life. I appreciate your genuine truth about all you are enduring. Sending mucho hugs and love to you. You and Michaela are never forgotten.

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  4. I don’t think you have anything to apologize for…if anything people should apologize to you.

    Grief has no time period and neither does anger. I only know how I feel because of the family I have lost who have died. But with this? I don’t even know what I would do with this. Anger would not even begin to cover it. I feel that way now and I don’t even know you.

    You can’t keep it together all of the time…I found this blog by reading an unsolved mysteries post on Reddit and my heart breaks for you.

    I will remember you and your daughter and I hope you find answers and keep finding strength…

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