I am often reluctant to blog anymore because I am just so doggone offensive. Plus I have realized that it’s not necessary for me to actually say everything I think out loud. But sometimes things just beat against my skin wanting to come out. This is one of them. So I am sorry for all of those people who will be offended, or disappointed, and especially for those who won’t love me anymore, or who won’t want to be my friends. However, I have to say, I don’t think the Bible could possibly be “the word of God.”
I never finished those last two books in my marathon Bible reading journey, Acts and Revelation. No matter, since I have read both of them many times, including recently. I know what they say. Honestly, I knew what the whole thing said before I started reading it in January. But I was really and truly looking for God when I embarked on this journey. That was my motivation. God, however, is not what I found.
Mind you, I do still believe in God. I just don’t believe that God is revealed in the pages of the Bible.
I cannot believe the Bible is the word of God, first of all, because it is absolutely absurd to think that a God who created the entire universe would choose one tiny little nation out of all the people on the earth to be “his people.”
Second, blood sacrifices? Really? That is just barbaric. Reading about some of these festivals at the temple, they sounded like horror shows to me. It put me in mind of the smell of the slaughterhouses along Highway 99 in California. Gross, barbaric, and just plain silly. How on earth could killing a cow make you acceptable to God?
So those are two silly things. But the worse things are the personality of God that is presented in the Bible. God is so jealous that he orders his people to kill every man, woman and child living in the Promised Land before they take up residence, just so that they won’t be tempted by the religions that those people follow. This is horrible! It doesn’t work, of course, and the people do fall into the other religions in the region, and God is so jealous, and so angry, that he brings sieges upon the city where people run out of food and become so desperate they will eat their own children. He brings wars and battles and people are killed. He sends them into exile as slaves. Then after 70 years he says, oh no, I remember I really love you, so I am going to bring you back and make you my own people again.
As for Jesus, well he had a lot of good things to say, a lot of great teachings. But he still taught that the road is narrow leading to salvation, and the road to destruction is broad. And that road to destruction, at least according to the Christian leaders who followed Jesus, is populated by a lot of really good people who just don’t happen to believe in the story of Jesus. This makes no sense either.
This is not the first time in my life I have realized these things. But I have boinged back to Christianity often enough that the last few times I have just kept my mouth shut about them. I think, however, that I have figured out why that is. It is a fact that I long for knowledge of the truth about life and all things. It is also true that I long for a “tribe,” and church is one of the few places you can go and find one. There are other things I would like to explore, but Christianity seems to be the only one that doesn’t cost an arm and a leg. Yoga, for example, is very expensive, and a lot of what they offer is nothing more than exercise. But I cannot really be part of the tribe that is found at church, because I differ from them on so many points. I am a devout political liberal, and most of them are political conservatives. I heartily and loudly and actively support the LGBTQ community, and most of them think that being gay is a sin. I kind of think that condemning gays is a sin, because what you are condemning is love, and love is the greatest good.
And yet they are loving people, these Christians I have found in church. And their love is a warm, soft place to dwell. I will miss it. But I have to go, because it is just not me. I cannot believe. I do not agree.
When I allowed myself to finally speak these things to myself, I felt a real sense of freedom. There are roads I intuitively believe in, and I felt absolutely joyous to have given myself permission to explore and to travel where my heart leads me. I will write about some of these things in future days. I will be really, really happy if you will continue with me on this journey, but if for some reason you feel you can’t, I will understand.
Meanwhile, remember, be kind, make wise decisions, and remember you are loved.