It is eight days now since my mastectomy. It was a modified radical mastectomy, unilateral, according to what my doctor told me at my one week checkup yesterday. That means that in addition to the breast they took a bunch of lymph glands. They biopsied one during surgery and found cancer in it, so they took a couple more that looked suspicious, and then she said they took ten others, most of which she didn’t think would be a problem. It turns out that cancer was found in every single one of the lymph glands that was removed. Not to state the obvious, but that is not good.
My mind went back to when I had that second mammogram, how I had though absolutely nothing of it, how routine and unimportant it was. Even through biopsy and diagnosis, I took it only kind of seriously. To me, even a diagnosis of breast cancer was a thing you dealt with and put behind you. My mother did that, a simple lumpectomy, no spread to the lymph glands, radiation for a few weeks, and it was done with. I have heard from so many people, breast cancer survivors. You do it and get on with it.
Now, breast cancer has become something that has run so far ahead of me that I can’t see it, and I know that I am going to have to run to catch up with it. It is not a simple fight anymore. It is going to be an all out battle. But it will be a battle.
Next steps: I meet with a medical oncologist (my doctor is a surgical oncologist), probably have a PET scan to see just how far ahead this beast has run, and schedule radiation and likely chemo.
Can’t do anything until I finish healing from this mastectomy, though, and that is my first goal. So the good news, for anybody who may be facing this procedure in the future, is that it was not nearly as painful as I thought it might be. I’d classify it more as discomfort. There are a couple of reasons for this, perhaps. One is that my doctors injected a local anesthetic that was supposed to last up to 72 hours post op. The other is that I have noticed I have a considerable amount of numbness. Not sure what this is due to. My doctor told me, but I think I wasn’t paying that much attention. I also didn’t pay that much attention when she said whether it would be permanent or temporary, because I am sitting here thinking that it can remain forever as long as it remains past the point where it would hurt if it wasn’t there! I have definitely had discomfort, and took percocet for a few days at the beginning, although within a few days I had switched to motrin except at night. But it was not nearly as bad as I’d anticipated.
The really annoying part is the drains. There are two tubes coming out of my body, each collecting liquids of varying shades of cherry and amber in these bulbs that hang by clips from my clothes. A couple of times a day I have to empty them and measure the liquid. It’s not awful, but it is annoying. There are little bandages that surround the holes where the tubes come out of my body, and they do not want to stay put at all. They are always having to be replaced, and this is annoying for me because the whole idea of tubes coming out of my body is very creepy for a germophobe like me. They were still doing their job too well to take them out yesterday, but hopefully within a few days they will be gone, and I will feel like a brand new person! In fact, healing this mastectomy is feeling like such a necessary step. It’s hard to feel like a fighter when you can’t lift anything that weighs more than five pounds, or bend over without feeling like you might break something, and when you are just so doggone tired.
So onward with this healing, which just takes time. And rest I suppose. Then to the battle.
Thank you for your prayers, and I guess I should take a moment to say that my faith doesn’t and never has rested on such things as absence of hardship or instantaneous healing, or answers to any other prayers. It seems pretty obvious to me that there are purposes to this life that require us to step outside our garden of comfort. All things work together for good, one way or the other. Meanwhile, I have been feeling a level of calm through this that amazes even me. So your prayer support is helping. Honestly, I am feeling very tired, like too tired perhaps to prop up a lot of my own faith. So thanks for holding me up with yours.
Thank you everybody. I love you.