I am still alive

I am sorry I haven’t written for awhile. It has been a very difficult month. I do intend to sit and write about it, but I have to muster some physical and emotional energy for that. Physical, because I have been sick with this flu that has been going around … I came down with it four weeks yesterday and it is still lingering. Yes, I have seen the doctor. He said at the beginning that it lasts a long time. He had it for a month or so himself. Emotional, because I had a loss this past month, which I will talk about later.

But I just wanted to write a note because of something that struck me yesterday. The paralegal in the cubicle next to me was working with a woman, and I caught her birth date as she gave it to him. It was 1984, and I was struck by the fact that she was actually a few years younger than Michaela. It is true that all my kids are adults now, that I talk to them and relate to them as adults, so of course Michaela would be. She is the oldest after all. But for some reason seeing this woman a few years younger really struck my heart that Michaela is an adult now, that I should be able to sit and talk to her adult to adult. I know this, have always known this, but sometimes something just strikes you, just brings to life something obvious that you have always known in your head. And I really longed to be able to sit down with Michaela and talk, perhaps while her children played around us.

I am a paralegal and I work in immigration law. I spend many days taking people’s declarations for their asylum or other applications, listening to the hardships and abuses they have endured.  I have a great capacity for empathy and compassion for people, animals, even insects! I have this for you, Michaela, and it is a huge black hole because it is filled with every horror imaginable. I don’t know what you have experienced since the day you were stolen away, and because I don’t know, every thing possibly imaginable has flitted through my nightmares in the years you have been gone. Whatever it is that you have been through, I just want to repeat that I love you, and that all I want is your good, whatever will bring you the greatest happiness and health. I am your mother, not your child. You don’t have to take care of me.

I love you, forever, Michaela. As long as I’m living, my baby you’ll be.

mom

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21 thoughts on “I am still alive

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  1. Wherever Michaela is, I am sure there is a huge part of her heart missing, which will only feel complete when she is reunited with her loving mother and family. Sarah in Sydney.

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  2. HELLO SHARON, It is so nice to read a blog entry from you again. Your voice matters! I am sorry to hear of the difficulties with the 4 week flu,, “huge black hole” and sorrowful loss this past month. I extend deep condolences and wish you strength, peace and comfort during this very difficult time. Here is a special song for you “In The Arms Of An Angel -Live”/aka “ANGEL” sung by Sarah McLachlan .( p.s. I choose this one because years back “ Angel” was a comforting theme song for the 9/11 Memorial dedication –. God Bless)http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l3ceD1O5vhQ

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  3. A GET WELL SOON cheer video for you of EINSTEIN the TALKING PARROT making it’s debut on “Animal Planet 🙂 (if link doesn’t work it was found on YouTube titled: “As A Human Being Talking Parrot”)http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wis8JEJswg0

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  4. Not sure if the first time I commented got through but I was really just curious who if anyone would take over this blog if you did not live long enough to see Michaela come home. Provided she did. Is all thanks.

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  5. Sharon, I can't imagine what it's like to live with the unknown you've lived with for so many years. Breathe deeply and stay strong, Sharon. Cindy

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  6. If you asked that before, I didn't see it. But I am still alive was a rhetorical comment. I am planning on staying that way. I don't think anybody would take over this blog. It's my personal blog.

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  7. Me either I cannot imagine what it would be like. It's true your story has me a bit over protective but that's fine. My 3 year old decided to take off at a water park last week and we could not find him for a good 10 minutes it was scary. He was hiding in a corner up by the water slide blatantly ignoring my calls for him. We found him but still the stuff that runs through your mind in those 10 minutes like where is he he could be in someone's car it doesn't take long to take a child the wave of fear and instant horrible images that pop into your mind omg. I don't know how you do it Sharon I know you have other kids but still. I hate that you have to deal with this every single day. When you actually go to that place in your mind its horrible. Sorry. I hope she is found soon. Anything is possible. Hugs.

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  8. Keeping the treasured contents intact is important. FREE websites like this blog have the opportunity to make changes that subscribers can not do anything about. I was part of a free FB page for over a year and the whole time expected everything posted to be available for the Missing Persons family. Facebook made an upgrade and months of postings were no longer there. It was very disheartening. Perhaps you will consider copying all your special posts here and create a little booklet for Michaela .

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  9. p.s. If interested, I just searched and found this possible helpful tool?“Make your own blog book, today You worked hard to make your blog, but Blurb makes it easy to turn it into a book that’s well-designed, coffee table-ready, and ready to sell, keep, gift, or share.With Blurb, you can:Slurp from your blogging platform – Blurb supports Blogger…” http://www.blurb.com/blog-book

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  10. Nice to hear from you again, Sharon. I pray for you and Michaela every day. We've heard all the reunion stories in recent years – Jaycee after 18 years, the three Ohio women after 10 years. I believe in my heart that one random day, it will finally be Michaela's turn to be found. I will cheer and cry with you all the way from Michigan! From one mother to another – lots of love and hugs sent your way. Becki

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  11. So sorry you've been sick and are having a bad month, Sharon. Thank you for sharing–most of us can't begin to imagine your life since that terrible, terrible day. You, Michaela, and your family are in my prayers and thoughts. Wherever Michaela is, I know she feels your love.Big hugs–wish I could do more.–Jackie

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  12. It's good to hear from you. Every time we don't hear from you in a while I always have to check news websites and see if Michaela was found and I missed it. I don't have TV, so I get my news later than others. I hope you feel better soon, and I'm sorry for your loss, whatever it is. –Ceara

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  13. Hi Sharon,I hope you're feeling better and are doing okay. You'll see her again, someday, somehow. I truly believe that. Cindy

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