Happy Mother’s Day

Happy Mother’s Day, Michaela. You are my first child, long desired. You made me a mommy. Yours is the first little hand that wrapped itself around my finger, the first one to say the word “mama” and mean me. You were the first one to take a piece of my heart to carry around outside my body. I can still see your big blue eyes, looking up at me with so much trust. And now, of course, my own eyes are filling with tears and my heart aches with the sorrow of not being able to live up to that trust. I remember when Johnna was a baby, she was fussy, and I was soothing her, saying, “It’s okay. Mommy is here. I love you. I will take care of you. I will protect you.” But then I stopped and my eyes filled as I said to her, “Well, I was not able to do that for your sister, was I?”

But I love you, my dear sweet child. I know you far from being a child now, but to me you will always be, just as all your brothers and sisters are. I am always your mother, will always love you, will always care for you, will always do everything in my power to help you and protect you. I only wish there was more I could do.

Someone interviewed me the other day about Mother’s Day, and I told her that you were always present with us, that the whole family was always aware of you at every holiday. Here is some solid evidence of this. I woke up this morning to find this gift from Robbie on my car.

My Mother’s Day gift from Robbie.

I previously had bumper stickers made, but they faded terribly. This will never fade. It will always stay bright, like my hope for you, and my love for you. But I have actually already planned how I could make a sticker that says “found” and place it over “missing.” May that day come soon.

I always end my entries with a line from this book, which we used to read together. But perhaps I should include the whole thing. Love is something unconditional, that can never be damaged. But it is equally important for you to know that I like you forever also, whatever you may have been through.

I love you forever, Michaela.
I like you for always.
As long as I’m living,
my baby you’ll be.

mom

56 thoughts on “Happy Mother’s Day

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  1. Sharon, I'm praying everyday for sweetest Michaela (as well as other missing children). I also pray that our All-knowing Heavenly Father will lead the investigators to the person who did this. <3Radhika

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  2. I am thinking about you today!! I hope you are eating pizza and enjoying yourself!! Happy Mother's Day.Sincerely,H Payne

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  3. Hi Sharon,Can you give us an update on current happenings with Michaela's case? Is there anything that you can share with us right now? We know the case is very active. Its been a while since the last case update post….but I'm sure there's still a lot going on behind the scenes. Keeping you, Michaela, and your family in my thoughts.

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  4. I haven't actually spoken to the investigators in awhile, so I don't know anything to tell. Honestly, I don't want to know every little thing. I really just want to know when they have an answer. I tend to be a little obsessive, so it's too stressful to keep up with everything.

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  5. My first thought was to post a status update on facebook saying, “See that, you bastards, you may think you have gotten away with something, but you haven't. However long it takes, one day you are going to be held accountable for what you've done.” I haven't done that yet, but I will.

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  6. Sometimes You Just Have to Do the Right Thing… It was so sad to hear the news on Etan today. My takeaway in this saga is less about being held accountable and more about a person taking responsibility and doing the right thing. The accused has carried this secret (and burden?) for 33 years. He could have chosen to say nothing as the police did not have any direct evidence. But he chose the noble path by turning himself in and restored some of his honor. I give him credit for owning up to his awful actions. For most people their moral compass still continues to function in some capacity. It is not too late for someone who kidnapped a child to do the right thing and come forward no matter how many years have passed. And if they don't have the courage to turn themselves in, they can still hold themselves accountable by providing ANONYMOUS but concrete proof on the abductee's exact location (remains or living) that would give the families closure. Justice is a precious gift, but ultimately isn't mercy just as sweet? And I give a nod to the accused's family members who knew something was not right and found the courage to speak up. I admire that they were able to look past the impact to their family and do the right thing. This to me is the definition of mercy.P.S. This response didn't seem to fit with the Mother's Day Theme, but couldn't figure out how to start a new thread or post a general response.

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  7. I understand what you are saying, and I know that what you are saying in the right thing to say if we want people to give us the answers they may be hiding. But you know me by now, and I can't say that. I don't believe he is doing the right thing. I think what he did was so awful that it haunted him and ate at him until he couldn't stand it. He is being held accountable by a higher power, just as all these bastards will be.Sometimes I find love and forgiveness in my heart. But sometimes, I'm just plain angry.

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  8. Oh Sharon…I fully agree with your point on being held accountable by a higher power. I believe people get what is owed to them be it in this life and/or the next.But when I think of the Patz's, your family, Ilene's, and Amber's and so many others…I just have to believe that it is better to know (and the perp to remain anonymous) than to never have an answer which doesn't result in a conviction anyways. Ultimately no one gets a choice on how that plays out one way or the other which is sad. I don't mean to belabor the point. And sorry I don't mean to imply that you have to forgive anyone. Jaycee's Mom appears to have not. This isn't about forgiveness, it is about answers for this lifetime here on earth.And it is about human decency for a family that has been in anguish (yours and others). You know, from what I have read on your blog, ultimately all you care about is your daughter..the part of yourself that is physically hidden somewhere and you just want back. Perhaps I am foolish to pray for the happy ending…where the villain or the villan's family that has answers have some compassion and step forward.I also read with some disgust that there was a retired cab driver that may have seen Etan and his abductor and did not speak up until years later due to his own issues. My aplogies for the long post, but honestly hearing about the Etan discovery affected me like I guess so many others today.

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  9. Happy (belated) mother's day to you, Sharon. I came across your blog on Google, and I appreciate and admire your strength and courage, even in the darkest hour. You are an amazing woman and mother, and I pray to God that you will receive some closure. You and Michaela are in my prayers.

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  10. Dear Sharon,Happy belated Mother's day, may next year on Mother's Day Michaela be home with all of you.I have said this before and I will say it again, you are a wonderful mom and would everyone be so lucky to have a mom like you. Catching up on your blog and reading this post made me want to share something, growing up I not always understood my mom or what to be a mom was, as I get older (although I don't have children yet) but maybe because of my own maternal instinct that is very strong these days, I have came to understand my mother better, with that understanding forgiveness has filled my heart for some of her mistakes, is my hope that deep in her heart as only a mother can feel she knows how much I love her and appreciate everything she has done for me.Clairebear

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  11. Oh, well I'm glad to hear that, Clairebear, although … well, I guess that is just a huge subject. No parent is ever going to be perfect. We are all just people, doing the best we can. I think most of the time most of what we do is out of love, though.

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  12. hey sharon, it's becca, it's been a while, sorry school has busy for me but now i'm out for summer! Mother's Day must be one of the most difficult holidays to spend away from Michaela. After finding out what happened to Etan last week, I hope to god Michaela is still out there waiting for someone to find her. Also, i just read to kill a mockingbird at school and we finished it, i liked the book a lot! But anyways, back to Michaela, I can't write anymore, this is difficult for me to talk about, i cannot imagine the pain you go through, I really wish there was some possible way I could help.. :/

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  13. hello, Sharon. sorry I haven't commented in a while, I've been very busy and I had a baby two weeks ago, and after hearing michaleas story I will be sure to be over protective and not let anything happen to her. may god bless you and your family,nicki Jensen

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  14. Hi Sharon,I agree, so true, I think that as children we tend to see our parents as perfect, they are our world, kinda like for example when we think they will live forever, as my parents age I get a terrifying feeling in my stomach. The truth is that no one is perfect, no one can be. I agree, I think it's out of love and doing the best they can with the knowledge they had at the time, the other day my mom was telling me how she wish she had done this and that different and I just told her not to worry about it, she did the best she could and within the knowledge she had at the time, I'm the person I am today thanks to all the wonderful things I learned from her and that she taught me growing up, for that I'm so grateful.Hugs,Clairebear

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  15. Hi sharon! I got a blogger account and nick is writing a blog about child safety and such. Please check it out! 🙂

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  16. http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/47704638/ns/today-today_rossen_reports/I just wanted to share this link because I think it shows how people need to stop douting themselves and reach out to help someone even if they suspect something is wrong. I also have a question. Do you think by loosing Michaela you closed yourself off from loving just to protect yourself?? I knew a lady when I was younger and she said that when she was a little girl she had a puppy that she loved very much. It passed away suddenly and left her heartbroken. She told me she made a promise to herself right then and there to never love something or anyone that much again because it hurt too much when she lost her puppy. This lady told me that she kept her promise and she has never loved anything or anyone like she liked her dog. This woman has 6 children so I found her comments very sad. She adopted me for a short time in my life however we finally drifted apart. I could tell there was a thick wall up. She cared for me but she never loved me. This made me wonder if someone can close off their heart because of a puppie dying then how would someone like you who has had far worse happen still love so much without the fear of loosing again. Edel

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  17. Wow, Edel, that article is really shocking! And sad!!!! I can't believe there are so many people in the world who are not willing to even try to help!!!! To answer your second question, yes I did to a point. I think it wasn't even so much shutting off my feelings so that I wouldn't be hurt again, and shutting off my feelings so I wouldn't have to feel the hurt that I did feel, if you know what I mean. When I became pregnant with my youngest daughter, five years after Michaela's kidnapping, my heart was forced open and all sorts of feelings came bursting out. I have written a lot about it in this blog. It is actually part of the theme of the book I am writing. As for the woman you mentioned, I do not know how anyone can remain shut down when they have a baby. It's an experience that just opens you up naturally.

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  18. Hello Sharon it's dark past midnight just reading your blog comment and I m thinking to myself how in slowly becoming more mmmm… Protective over protective of my children because of Michaelas story. I remember 5 years ago my then 3 year old had managed to climb over a short wall of this indoor amusement park in Canada and it was in a mall so it was a huge place for a child to get lost in. Well anyways we let him go play and since there was only one entrance we stood at it on the bench waiti for him to come and get his shoes on. Well we waited and waited and finally went looking for him in the tunnels and stuff. No luck. We panicked. He wasn't in there. We notified everyone we could at the time and just as I'm freakibg out someone comes with my little boy. He had no shoes on and someone figured he must have escaped the play area. Holy crap we were very lucky to get him back. Anyone could have snatched him he made in way down the mall too so yes anyone could have grabbed him. But I remember that heart drop into stomach fear feeling. I cannot imagine what you deal with internally mentally on a daily basis but my heart goes out to you. I would just die if anything happened to one of my kids I'm super protective of my kids they are all under 10. I don't even leave them with sitters anymore too many evil stories about kids being killed or harmed by sitters anymore. Sorry im rambling on. I just wanted to let you know I was thinking of Michaela and praying that she is found so you can have some closure and not constantly wonder about what happened to your little girl…

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  19. Sharon,I check in at least once a day- do post something,anything – we don't always come here for Michaela's case updates- we just love your heartfelt writing and I hope it gives you some measure of comfort to know there's so much positive energy channeled towards you!Take care,SR Mom

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  20. Sharon…my first visit after just reading about Michaela. There is no way I can comprehend the hell you've gone through. I will add Michaela to my prayer list, along with so many missing children. From one Mom to another ((hugs)) and Happy Mother's Day!

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  21. Happy Mothers day Sharon. To me you are one of the greatest examples of what a mothers love is all about!I hope you have a fantastic day!~ Rod. R

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  22. Any chance the kidnapper may have visited this site? Perhaps monitor visitors and/or frequency of visits? A long shot but you never know. God bless you and your family. Carol S.

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  23. It is entirely possible, but there are a lot of people who visit this blog frequently. I think it would be a very sad thing to start monitoring them and suspecting them of being kidnappers. To be quite honest, we already have far too many leads in Michaela's case. Finding the time and resources to thoroughly investigate the real leads we have is very difficult. We just don't have extra resources to be trying to construct leads from nothing. Everybody should feel safe coming here. If anybody has anything to report or any leads, send me a message or e-mail.

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  24. Sharon, Happy Mother's Day. It is not your fault that Michaela was taken. In your attempt to let her grow and do things on her own she was taken. You did nothing wrong. The kidnapper was bound and determined to get a little girl that day. If not Michaela, someone elses little girl. I know what you are thinking. (If only I wouldn't have let her go.) You had no way of knowing. You taught her well and how to be strong. Michaela knows you love her and I am sure she never blamed you. I hope you are having the best day you can have with your other children. It is Michaela's turn to be found! Don't give up hope. She is out there somewhere.

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  25. Happy Mother's Day to a lady who has a beautiful and powerful mother's heart. I love that you haven't given up on Michaela despite feedback you often receive. With so many victims being found over the past few years, you really can not give up. I saw Morgan Nick's mom on TV and she indicated she would not give up until someone could prove her daughter was dead because she could be alive. I hope Michaela is reading and will be found soon.Diana

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  26. You're amazing….I just heard about your daughter for the first time…don't ever give up….you are an amazing soul!!!

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  27. Here’s a “Mothers’s Day Song” for you…..Lovely instrumental with piano, birds singing, water flowing, flowers blooming, and LOTS of darling baby animals: polar bears, wolfs, dolphins, panda, monkey, horses etc…..Despite it being a bit blurry the 94,783 views on Youtube made me think the chance of your liking it would be high! :) http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oZuTsrmjpu8

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  28. Thank you all. I do want to say that I am no more amazing than all the other mothers of missing children. I like to write about it is all. Our hearts are the same. So happy Mother's Day to all the mothers of the missing, of any age, and to all those who know their children will never be coming home again as well. ❤

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  29. ❤ via “Poems for The Missing” “M i s s i n g-Early in every morn', when suns light the rooms of this house, you are here- here, inside pictures on the wall- here in the silence of memories. Your movements are felt inside us,and we reach out to find you against gray walls, undivided, sensing your smile all around us, when thinking your name. There are those who walk with you, as angels in the dark… angels will find you, by your whisper.And always with you, they watch over you. And sometimes in the early light of morn', they gather to the shore of every ocean, looking out to the tall white waves, that come in their calling, and together,chant prayers for the missing, that may you find a sense of comfort there. You are lost, but not far from the single quiet whisper of hope, nor from the eyes of angels, and hearts of those, who still cometo the silent waves, in wait of light's flicker…watching from the shore.You, are not alone.” ❤ (By http://butterfly36109.tripod.com/shannonpaulk/

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  30. Happy Mother's Day Sharon! You're blessed to have such wonderful, thoughful and sensitive children..who know your heart- I'm amazed that Robbie came up with this gift for you…you're blessed and wherever Michaela is, she feels this love.Hugs!SR Mom

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  31. I hope Michaela will read this beautiful letter from where she is now.. you are an amazing woman and I really wish for you to be reunited with your daughter. Hugs from Italy, to you and your family.

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