I cannot capture it in a photo because it is too ephemeral, and also because I am using only an iPhone as a camera, but this morning the sun is shining and the sky is filled with fluffy clouds. San Francisco is a pale gray silhouette in this palette, shrouded in the shadow cast by the clouds, but beyond the city the sun is shining on the brightly colored north tower of the Golden Gate Bridge. This is where we scattered my mother’s ashes, just beyond the Golden Gate. I can’t help but feel that she is telling me that she is with me.
I need her presence now. Everyone says how strong I am, but I am carrying the weight I carry because I have no choice. That does not mean that it is not extremely wearying. I am waiting, hoping, dreading, everything all at once.