Update on dig, my dreams and thoughts

I’ve been sooo, sooo tired. I have wanted to post an update but just have not had the energy to. So let me try now, before the day gets started.

At this point, I have no idea what is going on in San Joaquin County. I have been told that SJC has refused to allow Hayward PD into their investigation, and I also understand that the FBI has offered to assist with the recovery and identification of remains, and they have refused. They are also apparently not giving out information to other jurisdictions who are looking for missing people. So I don’t know exactly what is going on. I really, really hope this is not a power trip. I have to say that over the years I have been really impressed by how well our Hayward PD and the FBI have worked together on Michaela’s case. I was told early on by some missing children’s workers that this sometimes doesn’t happen, that sometimes the various jurisdictions get into a pissing contest, but in Michaela’s case that never happened. Our investigators just play well with others, and they never lose sight of the goal, which is not to find a missing child.

So the latest news I get from San Joaquin I get from the media. Yesterday I got a call from KRON (Bay Area channel 4), telling me that a retired FBI agent said that Shermantine (the killer on death row) told him that Michaela’s remains are in the second well, which they have not started exploring yet. Now this kind of contradicts what I’d read earlier, which was a newspaper article which said that this FBI agent had said that Shermantine had told him that he had no direct knowledge of Michaela’s case. So I don’t know what to believe. This same station had contacted me several times over the previous 24 hours. They had asked me if  I wanted to talk to Padilla, the bounty hunter who is involved in all this, and I’d told them no, because I didn’t really think that this case had to do with Michaela because I understood Shermantine had said that he didn’t have any knowledge of Michaela, that he was just commenting that Herzog looks like our composite. (And yes, he does look like our composite. The news is always showing our composite against Herzog’s recent photos, but if you compare him to Herzog’s older photos, when he was younger, it really is a dead ringer. That would be very compelling if it weren’t for the fact that we have had dead ringers in the case before, and I don’t mean Garrido.) Anyway, if it is a fact that this is what the FBI agent Jeff Rineck said, then it’s a surprise to everybody on Michaela’s law enforcement team that he hasn’t shared this with them. There is an FBI agent who works on Michaela’s case, and generally if a retired FBI agent gets information on a case, he shares it with the FBI agent currently assigned before sharing it with the media. So who knows? Could be true, could be false, could be a misunderstanding.

So I just heard on the news that there will be a 10:00 news conference today regarding the excavation out there. The news also mentioned that as of now they have recovered over 1,000 bones. The only accurate conclusion is that these two were a couple of true monsters.

I had a dream last night that I was out wandering around with Rob Lampkin, our detective. While we were wandering, we spoke to several different people. When I went back to my car, Rob was following me on the way back to his, and I noticed that he was bringing along several of the people we’d spoken to and was putting them back in his car. He said he was going to take them back to the station for questioning, which surprised me, because honestly I am always one to assume people are innocent for some unknown reason. We were in a room and there was a clock on the wall, and the clock had witnessed Michaela’s kidnapping. I suggested to Rob that perhaps the clock could tell us. So we stood in front of the clock and I am not sure my exact question, something about if someone had kidnapped Michaela, and I asked the clock to move forward if this person had done it, and the clock not only moved forward, but a darkness started spreading across it which quickly obliterated the whole face. I turned to Rob and said, “That’s it. Kopek did it.”

I have no idea who Kopek is, but in my mind he looked just like the crazy artist in the movie “The Peanut Butter Solution.” Those of you who have been really following Michaela know that a week before she was kidnapped she wrote a poem about people who had been kidnapped and were being held captive, and she’d said, “You know, like in the movie The Peanut Butter Solution.” Or Peanut Butter Conspiracy, can’t remember which. This was a movie about a crazy artist who kidnapped kids and gave them this peanut butter concoction that made their hair grow really fast, and then he would cut off their hair and use it to paint magic pictures that you could actually walk into.

So what all that means, I don’t know. I personally still don’t feel that Herzog is responsible for kidnapping Michaela. I could be wrong, and I admit that. The only thing that struck me as I watched the news about them digging up the wells, is that over the years many, many psychics have mentioned something about a water tower. I always pictured those big round things that sit above ground, but I did think about this with regard to the wells, which are basically inverted water towers, right? Even though I don’t “believe” it, this has been taking a huge toll on me. I’ve been very stressed and have had trouble sleeping, which has caused even more stress as anyone with insomnia knows. At this point, I have wandered into a kind of a stupor over it, and the only thing I can say is that there is no choice except to sit and wait. If Michaela is there, we will find that out. The San Joaquin Sheriff’s Department has been given a list of what Michaela was wearing, and photos of samples where possible. Eventually I would expect that all the remains will be identified one way or another. If she is there, one day I will be told that, and if that happens I will deal with it. But in the meantime, there is no point in falling apart over it. I have too much to do to be able to fall apart over something that might not even be true. The other thing also is that all the known victims of Shermantine and Herzog have been young women. Michaela was a child, so she really doesn’t fit the profile. Herzog would not have used a scooter to lure his usual victim.

Meanwhile, further references, vague or veiled, have been received from other people indicating that Michaela is in another country, the same area as the e-mail I’d received previously. We are still working on trying to get more information on this, and on figuring out just what we could possibly to do try to follow up on it, to reach out to Michaela. I got an e-mail yesterday which listed just what would have happened to her in this place. You know, over the years, there have been times when I have thought, and said, that it might have been better for Michaela if she had died soon after being kidnapped, rather than having to live indefinitely in terrible circumstances. This e-mail reminded me of that thought as I read of the horrific life Michaela might have been forced to endure for 23 years.

I hate it, hate all the thoughts of what could possibly have

I had another dream last night. I was standing in my living room, which has a panoramic view of the San Francisco Bay Area. A thunder and lightning storm suddenly came up, but not your normal, average thunder and lightning storm. It was huge and dramatic and beautiful, but terrifying enough that I thought I should take cover. Then it stopped and the wind came up, and it was blowing these dark clouds eastward, toward my house. The lower end of one of those clouds actually physically hit my window and stuck to it, leaving a spot of dark blackness, maybe a couple of feet across, on the upper right portion of my living room window.

Don’t know what all these dreams mean. I don’t have huge talents in that department, and I do respect the variability of those meanings. They could just reflect the psychological state I’m in as all this happens with Michaela’s case. But they could mean that we are onto the answers, one way or another.

Actually, I just remembered that in my dream about Rob Lampkin, we had just attended my daughter’s performance. Johnna appears in many shows, but she does have one coming up at the last weekend of this month, so who knows, perhaps we will get some news then.

And one more thing. Someone I know through an online group (not related to missing children) wrote to me yesterday about her dream:  “Two nights ago I dreamed I was pregnant, and met a little girl named Michaela. I was telling her how I’m naming my baby after my mother and I can’t wait for them to meet, and she said she can’t wait to see her mother too….  In my dream I didn’t know it was your Michaela, but when I woke up it’s who I thought of … well, I just wanted to tell you.” This really touched my heart.

Thank you all for your support, and for your love. I do really appreciate it, and wherever she is, I know Michaela does also.

UPDATE: I have learned that the retired FBI agent DID claim that Michaela is in the second well, but other evidence suggests that Shermantine said he didn’t have any actual information about Michaela. So KRON is correct, but we don’t know if the information is correct. And it appears there may be some more cooperation in the future among law enforcement agencies, and if that happens I will applaud everyone. I honestly cannot see how a single jurisdiction would even want to have to foot the bills for this massive job of identifying well over 1,000 bones.

53 thoughts on “Update on dig, my dreams and thoughts

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  1. I know you have heard it many times before but you are one heck of a strong women I don't think I would have lasted this long If something like this happened in my life. Where ever Micheala is whether it's on earth or not I'm sure she is very proud of you.

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  2. I agree with the reply above. I don't know how you do it, and I wish you – and no one ever – had to. Please know that many of us follow and send prayers and hope to you and your family. Your daughter's name and face are out here, always, and we continue to hope and pray. ♥

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  3. Sharon. I'm appalled at the lack of information they're giving you and the police departments/FBI are sharing. I know you have been waiting many, many years for answers, but I would have thought that nothing was more important right now than keeping the families of the missing in the loop. I continue to pray for you and Michaela. Sending love from EnglandAlison

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  4. Thank you, Alison. And just to clarify, what I am told is that the FBI doesn't have the information because the San Joaquin Sheriff's Department is not allowing them to assist with the investigation. If they had any certain information about Michaela, I would probably have been told.

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  5. Thankyou for keeping us informed. I have been following this case since Jaycee was found. My prayers have been with you daily. I pray that angels will be by your side throught all of this. Like the footprints in the sand poem I hope that someone carries you throught this and in ends with the most beautiful reunion. Edelweiss

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  6. Sharon, I thought the same thing that she just doesn't fit their victim profile or circumstances. I just don't know, it just doesn't feel like the answer to me. Just my gut feeling from all I have read and followed so far. In the meantime, my heart aches for you and I hate that this is the life you have to live, well this portion of your life. No one should have to live like this with this huge, painful hole, waiting and wondering. Just try to rest and try to focus on other (happier) things as often as you can. I am sure that is easier said than done. Your blog followers and facebook friends are always thinking of you and care deeply for your and your family. Mary

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  7. Dreams are so powerful! I too have some talents there and it can be so frustrating not to know when they mean something and when they're just sub-conscious thoughts. But I don't think I'd trade that talent in – it's incredible when you hit the mark or you do “just know”. Sharon, you and Michaela are in my thoughts a lot. I pray for answers for you.

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  8. You and Michaela are in my thoughts a lot. I pray you get some answers soon. I too have some talents where dreams are concerned – they can be so powerful and yet so frustrating. I don't think I would trade that talent in though because when you “know” or you hit the mark it is an incredible feeling.

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  9. My thoughts go out to you. You are so strong, I don't know how you manage. I pray that Michaela is found happy and alive somewhere soon. With love and wishes from England, Hayley

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  10. Hi Sharon,I'm not in a position to offer any words of wisdom to you and your family. You know more than any of us commenting here. Just know that my love for Michaela is as strong as ever and I will continue to hold within me the deep desire that Michaela is alive and will return home safely to you. I hope you can feel my arms around you . . .

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  11. The hopes and prayers of all my family are with you always. We lived in the neighborhood when Michaela was taken and it has always remained in our minds and hearts. I know that Hayward PD is wonderful – they truly do care and I know that Michaela is a part of their thoughts and prayers as well. Thank you for the updates, they are appreciated. You are a great mom.Linda Perez

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  12. If they can go through thousands of pieces of DNA on Robert picktons (Canada's worst serial killer)then they go through 1000 plus bones. I know it's not the same team but it can be done. I hope ( and not) you get the answer you deserve soon! Didn't you mention back that 2012 was when she would be found?

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  13. Hang in there Sharon. The media , the various law enforcement agencies, different info, you have every right and reason to be tired. \Bless you, I agree that it has also occurred to me that the victims were young women and not little girls. I wish you rest and peace and know that you and Michaela are in my thoughts.

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  14. Sharon,You are so strong an so amazing! You have no idea how much of an impact both you and Michaela have had in the world! You are so loving, compaasionate and strong!!! I wish there were more people like you! What ever he outcome may be, my prayers and love is sent your way. Thinking of you and Michaela,Janessa

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  15. Thinking about you. They keep mentioning Michaela's name on the news here in the Bay Area, saying that the family of Michaela is waiting to find out. Crossing my fingers for you during this tough time but just know that you have many people wishing you strength and to be surrounded by love. Thank you for updating us. I think we are all waiting for any news along with you.s

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  16. I hope and pray that you find the answers you need soon. It is unbelievable how long you have had to go through this pain. You are unbelievably strong for never giving up hope. My thoughts go out to you and Michaela always.With love, Janelle.

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  17. I just found your blog today and wanted to tell you how much I admire your courage. When I was a little girl, a man tried to coax me out of a public library. My gut instinct told me something was very wrong so I went back to my dad and my brother and the guy took off. We never reported this incident, something I still feel guilty about 26 years later.I cannot imagine what you have gone through all these years- I pray that Michaela is found.

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  18. I want you to know I am waiting for some news on Michaela since it happened. My heart goes out to you in so many ways and I hope that you do find comfort in the Lord Jesus Christ again…no one could possibly know what it's like to be left hanging emotionally for too long! My prayers will always be with you.

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  19. Do you think the fact that herzog hung himself was his admittance in Michaelas death (if that's the case) I mean the guy knew he was screwed and that her case was huge he would pay a huge price in the end?

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  20. No, I think Herzog hung himself because he knew Shermantine was going to tell where he had buried the bodies of the many women he had killed. I don't think it has anything to do with Michaela. And Herzog was screwed anyway. Likely he'd have gone back to prison once these bodies were uncovered, but even having been released on a technicality, no communities would take him. He was having to live in a mobile home on prison grounds.

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  21. My thoughts and prayers are also with you at this time. You have been through so much immense emotional trauma over the years and it seems like you just recovered from the emotional flashbacks instigated by the Dugard case. The case seemed so similar to Michaeala's – I thought surely a connection would be found. You are doing such an awesome job of keeping your daughter's case alive and high profile – hopefully this is the only reason her name is getting tagged onto this horrific Herzog case. I truly loved the letter from Crystal in New Zealand you shared with all of us – such a beautiful description of the depth of your love for Michaela.Diana

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  22. If they did find her remains though would you still write to her? If there was any type of good to come out of it at least if anything you would know she never had to live through 23 years of hell and all this time would have been at peace…if anything.

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  23. That is true, anonymous, and yes I would probably continue writing to her. She is very special, and I would wish to continue to keep her spirit and her heart alive in the world even if I were to learn that her body was gone.

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  24. Sharon,I have been following your blog for over 2 years now. It always brings tears to my eyes, because you are such a wonderful mother. There are so many people out there unfit to be mothers, but your heart overflows with motherly love. For the 9 years that Michaela was with you, I bet she was so happy and so secure that it would have given her the strength to put up with anything. And yes, she remembers that I know. I remember things from when I was 5 years old… so she remembers you, I am certain.Praying every day for her return,VidhuP.S. – My parents live in India and I've in the past asked my mother to say a special prayer for Michaela at temples.

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  25. Abby, this article is just simply incorrect. Sloppy journalism. I have spoken to the Hayward Police Department and believe me, they will tell you that Shermantine has specifically said he does not know anything about Michaela's case beyond stating that Herzog looks like Michaela.

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  26. It seems to me that either the journalists are using Michaela's name for better visibility or Shermantine is dragging Michaela's name for a similar reason. Sorry that you have to go thru this.- Abby.

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  27. You are right, Abby. We should just give the journalists the very best benefit of the doubt and assume that they are only trying to help Michaela by finding a reason to get her story out there. Thanks. ❤

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  28. 😦 JULY 5 2012—RE: WES SHERMINTINE –CLOSURE COMING FOR 72 GRIEVING FAMILIES— “New searches with the assistance of this inmate may occur very soon,” Alquist said. “This unique set of circumstances … may lead to the reopening of as many as 72 missing persons cold cases in up to 21 Northern California counties.” Via Recordnet.com-sniped- SACRAMENTO, Calif. (AP) — July 05, 2012 5:40 PM “A convicted serial killer could be temporarily freed from death row to help search for the remains of long-dead victims under a bill the state Senate approved Thursday.”“The measure is aimed at getting direct help from Wesley Shermantine, who is awaiting execution for four murders.“The bill, AB2357, would give the state's corrections secretary the authority to let Shermantine personally assist investigators in finding other bodies.The tightly drafted bill withdraws that authority on Jan. 1, 2013, and allows Shermantine's release only to help in finding evidence and victims' remains. Senators approved the bill unanimously and sent it to the Assembly for final consideration.”(( :*( I am speechless…))

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  29. QUOTED P.S. Via CBS13 news “March 13, 2012 9:30 AM Wesley Shermantine Letters To CBS13” “Convicted killer Wesley Shermantine has a lot to say. He has sent three letters so far to CBS13 reporter Koula Gianulias. “”P.S. I’ve never said I knew where that little Hayward girl is, I never said Herzog killed her, I only said The Sketch looked like him and he had family in that area, the rest are lies of the media and their made up theory””012/03/13/wesley-shermantine-letters-to-cbs13/

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  30. :*( JULY 17-2012- 5 hrs ago—MUCH prayer continues hrs “http://www.bostonherald.com/news/national/west/view/20120717calif_bill_lets_death_row_inmate_speed_freak_killer_help_find_victims/srvc=home&position=recent

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  31. 7/18—2012 via Recordnet.comShermantine step closer to joining searchBy Staff and wire reportsJuly 18, 2012 12:00 AM <.Shermantine, a death-row inmate, will be permitted to aid investigators between now and the end of the year under the tightly crafted bill. The governor signed AB2357, written by Assemblywoman Cathleen Galgiani, D-Stockton. >> • :*( God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference

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  32. I just have to say, I don't disagree with this at all. If you do, you don't know what it's like to live with the unanswered questions about a missing loved one. The purpose of the judicial system is to deliver justice, not punishment. As long as they make sure he has no opportunity to hurt anyone else, I think that to do anything less than everything that can be done to provide those families with answers, and with what remains there may be of their loved ones, would be wrong. Thanks.

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  33. You and I are fully aligned!!! I often do not express myself clearly (sigh). My tears are for the families who will face the extinquishment of hope of finding their loved alive despite all the years that have passed. My speechless groans are knowing now that up to 72 families will get the same horrific heartbreaking call my family did confirming their forever loved one was murdered and dumped. The multiplication of my families sorrow x72 brought the Serenty Prayer to mind because of the enormity of the grievous situation yet to come. I want to do SOMETHING proactive but have been unsure what. Your Wondering Heart blog has been a very special place to visit for my family and I. It is very genuine,strengthening,comforting and inspiring. Thank you, PK

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  34. P.S. The one thing that comforts is knowing, unlike my family, the 72 missing loved ones families will know WHO caused this horrific pain and loss. They will not have the years of compounded grief of wondering where this dreadful being is and how many more have been murdered. Your voice for the ache of the “not knowing” has been so tenderly helpful. We have prayed for years for your dear Michaela and look forward to your book. God Bless, PK

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  35. …… Her Soul journeyed up Divines swirling tunnel of Light, through to the other side of Lifes Veil, and was reunited with the Heart of God, Friends of old, and extended family SHORTLY BEFORE her teen body was raped,murdered, and dumped……

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  36. Hi Sharon,I don't know how helpful this will be, but I figured it couldn't hurt. I've been reading through your blog, and read about the UAE leads and now psychics says watertowers…I googled it, and the 'Dubai Marina' came up…there's a wikipedia article about the area.I truly hope Michaela comes back to you, one way or another, and soon.

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