Dear Michaela,

It is Christmas Eve. This is the 22nd Christmas that I have spent without you…..

I know I haven’t been around here much lately, haven’t written much lately.  This year has been a very difficult year.  It started out completely raw, filled with a grief that engulfed and consumed.  There is only so long you can live in that state, though.  Then you have to move into the denial, into the burial of the feelings.  Distraction, distraction, let me think about anything, let me look at anything except for this thing that is so dazzling, let me even feel pain as long as it is fake, made up, as long as it is not this thing that wants to swallow me whole.

If you are out there, alive, you probably know what I mean.  And if you are not, you probably have an even greater understanding.

This Christmas Eve … well, I’m sitting here alone right now.  There are people home, but they are not here.  And I don’t feel joy.  I don’t feel excitement or anticipation.  I just feel sadness.  It’s a time for tears.

I know … well, maybe this doesn’t help you.  Maybe I’m just supposed to be strong and yada yada, to make you want to come out if you are out there.  But the heck with what I’m supposed to be.  I only am what I am. I am sad.  I miss you.

Merry Christmas, baby girl,

I love you forever.

mom

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131 thoughts on “Dear Michaela,

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  1. speaking of Jaycee,i just heard on the radio that Jaycee's family is getting $20 million from the California state police department as a settlement for a civil law suit.isn't that awesome? of all the people i don't think there is anyone who deserves it better than she does although that money is nothing compared to what she and her family have been through.but still some money is better than no money at all.

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  2. Honestly, Chandler, I think that $20 million is an obscene amount. They need a leg up, not a handout to last the rest of their lives. A quarter of that would have bought them a home, paid for their education, supported them for a long time to come, been enough to invest in a business. These are tough times, and there are many people suffering in the State of California.

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  3. Read the astrology note. So interesting. Astrology, I think, is the oldest science. The reading leaves open the possibility of Michaela coming home, and being found. I tried to search, but still can't understand, what a religious motivation would be and how religion relates to abduction. He said, ' A group act, not an individual working alone 100% definite, I'd say 80% certain a religious motivation.'Is there a link to point me towards further understanding of this type of abduction? I believe he also said she was cared for, but lives with restricted movement.Blessings,ANonymous mom

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  4. my namme is michaela too. i love my family and hate being away from them. i am 12 years old. i love my family and my animals. i have a horse, and 6 dogs. they would miss me soo much if i was gone.

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  5. I believe in the power of dreams wholeheartedly. When my father died, I used to ask God to dream of him and we would meet in my dreams. It felt so real and I woke up knowing that he was ok. You can look at different symbols in dreams and analyse that way, but I believe the true meaning comes from examining that initial thought you have when you wake up. I think you can slowly begin to remember your dreams, and usually the ones you remember the best are the ones that hold the most meaning. I only know you through this, but you strike me as the type of person fully capable of having prophetic dreams

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  6. Have you thought about keeping a dream journal? For most of my adult life I also had trouble remembering my dreams. Then a few years ago I started keeping a dream journal, it started with just a simple spiral notebook and over the years its became a little more fancy. However I keep it next to my night stand with a pen inside of it. When I wake up in the morning if I remember anything at all I write it down, sometimes I remember symbols or numbers and I draw a picture of it or write the numbers down. Over the years as I started doing this I actually started remembering more and more of my dreams. I can actually remember having dreams where others have spoke to me in the dream.

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  7. I haven't thought about keeping a dream journal, because I don't remember my dreams well enough to. It hasn't always been this way. I used to remember dreams quite well. But I know sometimes I wake up from a dream and I do remember something, and then it just slips away. So I'll see if I can capture some of it.Thanks.And Kim … hmmm. Maybe that's why I don't want to remember my dreams. I had one awhile back about being in a car accident. The place and circumstances were quite clear, so I started avoiding any place that looked like that. Even when I woke up, I kind of felt that the dream was symbolic of the fact that I, my life, was going to crash if I didn't get control of some things.

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  8. Sharon,I'm sitting here reading your letters to your daughter and I cant stop crying. Your strength and faith are amazing. I remember as a little girl when your daughter was taken, my mom and my aunt had me and my cousin go with them to an envelope stuffing in Hayward to bring light to the kidnappings. I will be 27 this coming week and I cant believe it has been almost 22 years since this has happened. Though I didnt know your daughter I think of her often. I cant begin to imagine what you have gone through and what you are going through but know that you are not alone and you and your family are always thought of.Never give up hope!

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  9. Thank you, Lisa … and thank your mom and your aunt. The love the community poured out for Michaela when she was kidnapped was so beautiful. I have never stopped hoping that Michaela was able to see it.God bless,Sharon

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  10. Dear SharonBeautiful letter to Michaela, I really intensely hope than she can attend her brothers wedding.Its been more than a year since Trina saw the car and she said it matches to the car Michaelas kidnapper had, also the look of his face reminded her of the look of Michaelas kidnapper. Is it still impossible to fully interrogate Philip Garrido? I remember the law protected him some way.All of the things that Garrido was collecting in the house, nothing of this could be linced to Michaela?Always prayingBest regards

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  11. Asa, as far as I know, Garrido is still being protected by the judge in El Dorado County from interrogation by any other police jurisdictions. The judge is also still allowing Philip and Nancy Garrido to have contact while in jail, which really irritates me because if there is a person who would know, and who might tell, if Garrido took another child in 1988, it's Nancy. But she won't do that, I don't think, as long as she remains under Garrido's spell.It's crazy. Sometimes you wonder whose side people are on, you know?

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  12. Sharon — I am sorry to hear that the judge is being so uncooperative. In the UK I believe that when a crime like this is uncovered, the police immediately investigate similar cases to determine whether there is a link. It seems to be a very slow process over there. And it seems particularly absurd when we are talking about the kidnapping of children where, God forbid, there could be other locations where others are being held against their will. As ever, your patience and resilience is humbling. I will continue to pray for your daughter every day.Much love from the UKAlison

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  13. That is just not fair! Can't we all do something about that! Who can I complaint to? I live in Sweden, but I dont have any problems with sending emails to people. I'll “sign” whatever needs to be signed. This is not justice!!! And HOW do they defend their selfs? (the decisionmakers)??All police jurisdictions should be able to break him down with interrogation. And they should defenetely keep those two apart until all the interrogations is over…. (sorry bad english)

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  14. Wow, this entry about dreams has hit me at an “interesting” time. Last week I received a call about fundraising for an SPCA, and I agreed. Not long after I had a CLEAR, CLEAR dream that I was driving to the SPCA and came to a stoplight. Without warning, I was shot. The dream was so real, so vivid, that I woke up and checked myself to see if I HAD been shot. I will be going to the SPCA soon, but I am taking a different route from the one in my dream. And on another note, I just wish Michaela would come home. I never heard of her until Jayce was found, but I have thought of her for a year now and I just wish you had answers.

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  15. Wow, Anastasia, let us know that you are okay!I was thinking today about the dream log suggestion, because I had a dream last night, and I even stopped and thought about it this morning when I woke up, but within a few hours it had faded so I could remember only sketchy details.And now I wish I did remember it better, because it was about a friend I haven't seen in many years. I occasionally have a dream about him, and he tells me that he “visits” me in my dreams. I was going to write him a message today, to thank him for his visit last night, when I found out that he had died yesterday.So now I am really wishing that I could remember the details of that dream last night, since it could have been him saying goodbye.

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  16. Wow, there is something to dreams. Thank you for posting my comment — I was afraid you would think I was crazy. Like I said, after I was shot in the dream, I woke up and was in such a state, I checked myself. The weird thing is, the dream (or nightmare) hasn't faded at all. I still remember driving, coming to a stoplight, hearing the “boom” and then a burst of blood (not to be graphic). So yes, I will certainly go a different route.I am sorry about the loss of your friend.

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  17. I definitely think there is something to dreams. I don't think it has to be prophetic, although it can be. It can also be symbolic. If you were going to the SPCA in your dream, is it possible that going there makes you feel wounded somehow?

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  18. My heart aches for your loss, and I can only imagine my joy and rejoicing , were I to click on this site and find that Michaela had come home to you. I am a mother also and your pain stabs at my heart. Praying every day for the safe return of your beloved Michaela.

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  19. I don't know. This is a “No Kill,” well-known SPCA. Animals without homes is a sad topic, but this one doesn't put animals down.I have never had such a vivid dream before. I STILL remember everything, and it has haunted me during the day, so I guess I am taking it pretty seriously. The only other dream that can compare is one I had over and over again as a child. It was about me being kidnapped, believe it or not. In each dream I would be playing in my backyard when an old “grandfather-type” stranger would come after me. I would run to my door and almost reach safety — but my feet would always freeze just before I reach the door handle.But this dream (or nightmare) never became a reality (thankfully). But it did make me into a person who follows abductions, which is why I visit this blog a lot. I have prayed for Michaela to come home — or for you to know something about her fate. I am so frustrated that her whereabouts are still unknown.

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  20. You are what you are Sharon, you are sad and so many other emotions and that is why I always say that what the families of the missing go through can only be called “nameless emotions.” No one else knows this set of emotions other than those that have lived it. On this Christmas Eve I didn't want to click over and read what you wrote (I knew before hand what it would say), I didn' want to cry and I knew I would. As I sit here with tears I am glad that I clicked over. Love never ends and Michaela knows that and feels that wherever she may be.Blessed Christmas to you Sharon!Maureen

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  21. “If you are out there, alive, you probably know what I mean. And if you are not, you probably have an even greater understanding.”You are such a good writer, Sharon. That's very well said. I'm sorry that you're in pain and are suffering. You should have never been put into the position you're in with a missing child. I wish you could parcel off some of your pain so that others could help carry it for you. Jennifer Benjamin

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  22. Sharon, I think about you and Michaela so much. I awoke this morning and just started to pray for you and Michaela with my whole heart. I pray that God will give you the comfort you need to get through another day and I pray that Michaela and you will be reunited so that your nightmare will end. Please hang in there and know that although you may feel alone, there are a lot of people praying for you. Merry Christmas and God Bless ~ Meagan

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  23. Sharon, I've been worrying about you. I think about you a lot. I am sorry that you are in such deep pain. I can't believe that you have had to endure 22 yrs without her. There are no words. It's terrible that you felt alone on Christmas. I hope you are able to feel others that you don't even know praying for you. As I look over my words none of them look right or good enough. I just don't know what to say. Often I wish I lived near you so I could just give you a hug.Beth

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  24. I am from puerto rico, I am 22 years old and I want you to know I think of Michaela everyday, I pray for her and i know how broken youre heart must be because she is not at youre side. When i was nine years old, we couldnt find my 2 year old sister and we thought she had been kidnapped. We were all crying, screaming her name and luckily she came out. She had been hiding. So i know the feeling of thinking a child has been taken. Nothing on this earth justifies Michaela being taken but rest assured her abductor will be caught and we will know where Michaela is. If Michaela was taken by God, Know that she is now an angel watching over you and youre family.And there is no doubt that you will be reunited in god's paradise and never separated again. I still pray that she is alive and will come back home. Until then stay strong, my prayers are with you and youre beautiful daughter Michaela Joy. And she is indeed a joyful and beautiful angel, wherever she is.

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  25. Happy New Year Michaela and Family!! Somehow, I have a feeling this year will be a good one for you guys. Despite my busy world of school and work, I recently saw two cases on the news that put Michaela back on my heart. One was the Pennysylvania girl who went missing long ago (26 years I believe) and news indicated new information had been brought in. The second is the 23 year old lady who was kidnapped as an infant and recently reunited to her family in New York. It just seems so interesting that these cases found resolution after so long. So since you are going on 23 years of missing Michaeala, I hope and pray it will be the year you find her!!Lots of love and prayer,Diana

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