Still feeling that autumn chill down in my bones, but I think I’m understanding it a bit more. I am feeling anxiety related to the things going on in the world, and the economy in particular, like so many people, and I think it’s been exacerbated by the onset of autumn weather. Autumn is a season when responsibility falls heavily onto those of us with children. It is the time when we need to come up with back to school clothes and school supplies. Christmas is bearing down, right around the corner. On a more visceral level, the onset of chilly weather seems to trigger the notion that we need to protect our little ones from the winter weather to come.
Now I live in California, so winter may get chilly, but it’s not usually life threatening, and my kids are not so little anymore. But it just seems that the economy had a chemical reaction with the autumn deja vu in my brain. Just gotta shake it off, live life one day at a time, in the present, rather than allowing all the worries in the past to take hold of the present.
Autumn is a beautiful season, after all. It wants to take me back to Fairway Park in Hayward, not surprising since I lived there for so many years, and I probably spent more time outdoors there than anywhere else I’ve ever lived. I walked my kids to school along sidewalks swirling with falling autumn leaves. I used to run and walk through the neighborhood, and along the walking paths along Mission Boulevard. I can’t drive through the neighborhood in any season without being struck with deja vu. It is, of course, where Michaela was kidnapped. It is where the most difficult and dramatic days of my life played out. It’s a place of broken hearts and shattered dreams, but also a place where I put my life back together, a place where I was forced to marshall my strength and find out just what I was made of.
And here’s what it was. Mom Stuff. That’s the glue that will hold you together! Now my kids are older, maybe I’m falling apart a little more! Gotta get a grip.