A lot of people have asked me lately what my gut feeling is about whether or not Michaela’s kidnapping is related to Jaycee’s. I generally tell them that I have too many fears and desires wrapped up in the whole thing to be able to have any reliable intuition.
I do have hope. And it really feels good to have hope. But it kind of reminds me of when I was pregnant with Michaela. I had tried for five years to get pregnant without being able to, and I’d finally had to take fertility pills. So although I knew I was pregnant, I somehow kept doubting it, simply because it was too good to be true. A month before Michaela was due, my doctor decided to induce labor because I had pre-eclampsia. They put me in the hospital and hooked me up to a “pit drip.” And nothing happened. All that first long day, nothing happened. They turned it off that night and started it again the next morning. And again, the day dragged on and on and on and nothing was happening. Teeny little contractions traced their lines on the paper printout, but no progress whatsoever was being made.
In spite of all the evidence that I was pregnant, all the trials and delays of infertility, pregnancy, and induced labor had me convinced that it just wasn’t going to happen, I wasn’t going to give birth and hold my baby in my arms. It really was good to be true, couldn’t be true.
That’s kind of how I feel right now. There is a lot of evidence that Michaela’s kidnapping might be linked to Jaycee’s kidnappers, and Garrido has never been known to kill any of his victims. There is hope. But for it to actually be true would be the fulfillment of hopes that are even more impossible than the dream of having her in the first place.
Have I said how good it feels to have hope? I really hate it when people try to look for reasons to bring me down, in the name of “not getting my hopes up.” Hope is life. Hope is love. I want to hold onto it as long as I can.
At the end of it all, I did give birth, to my precious baby girl Michaela. It turns out it wasn’t too good to be true after all. Maybe this won’t be either.